Just mind your own damn business

I was recently lurking on the Mormons Building Bridges Facebook group and somebody shared this blog post about a gay exmormons opinion about Tom Christopherson’s book, That We May Become One.

Here is what the Facebook poster wrote with the post:

“I've heard Tom specifically state that his story is not to be used to judge other people or the paths they choose. Sadly, this reviewer of That We May Be One decided to read the book because it HAS been used against him in arguments. I share this with permission of the blogger--not to diminish Tom's success in getting his story of family love and community acceptance to a wide LDS audience and giving so many a place to enter the conversation--but because it IS a conversation:

‘Tom Christofferson left the church . . . during a time that many of us instead stayed. We followed the LDS plan of marriage, kids, callings, temple attendance, scripture study, etc based on our faith that it was true and that we and our families would be 'blessed'. Instead of blessed, we got screwed and we caused a lot of collateral damage in the wake of our following the brethren. He escaped all that.

‘ . . . my divorce and financial ruin and raw emotions are all a result of following the brethren. His current life is only possible because he DIDN’T follow the brethren. His story, more than anything is a testament that leaving the church allows you maintain some semblance of favorable attitude towards it.’"

I was reading the comments on that post and one woman wrote this:

“Yeah.... you can't blame most of the problems in your life on Church leadership. One of the key concepts of the plan of salvation is free agency and accountability. Another key concept is that we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father. What kind of loving father would allow his children to be born into gay bodies and then create a system to not allow them into celestial glory? Either God is wrong or man is wrong. My personal feeling is that man is wrong. Gay people are in an impossible situation in the church and each person must decide his/her own path in this life. Everyone else needs to be supportive and loving, or else mind their own damn business.”

I don’t know why, but I could not get her stupid comment out of my head and I kept thinking about all the things I wanted to say about it. I finally decided to write a response and was going to post it, but I read posting guidelines for that group.  Basically it said you can only post sappy, feel-good crap so I decide I better not. Here is how I wanted to respond to her comment:

“Yeah.... you can't blame most of the problems in your life on Church leadership.”

I completely agree! As a gay Mormon you can’t blame the major troubles in your life on church leadership. Even though everything they taught you about your sexuality is demonstrably wrong and has since been disavowed, like it is a disease that can be cured, marrying the opposite sex will make you straight, it makes you a pedophile, etc.  You had the agency to reject the church leader’s incorrect counsel who you were taught from the time of birth were the mouth piece of God and would never lead you astray.  And you are accountable for all the emotional issues that following their counsel caused you and for not being able to make your marriage work with someone that you were sexual repulsed by.

Heavenly Father let church leadership give you false counsel that turned your life into a nightmare and made you suicidal because he loves you. And it’s not like it’s totally impossible for gay people to get to the highest degree of glory, it’s only like 10 times harder. Look at the bright side, now that the church supports celibacy for gay people you never have to deal with all the problems that being married brings and you never have to worry about having a fulfilling relationship with someone.

And I don’t think it is appropriate to review really popular books that have a negative impact on your life or share your side of an issue and vent on your personal blog. Even if you are a gay Mormon who has had the book “used as a weapon” against you. It is none of your damn business. You should just be quiet unless you are gonna say something nice.

I don’t recommend getting low when you’re high

A few days ago I tried pot for the first time. It wasn’t that great. In fact there was nothing good about it. I really don’t like the smell of pot so that is the first thing that made it unenjoyable. I used a vaporizer and supposedly that is not as harsh as smoking it, but it still irritated my throat.  I took about 4 hits in five minutes. Afterward it felt like there was something caught in my throat and I could not take a deep breath without coughing, kind of like having a bad cold. Luckily that wore off in a few minutes. After a little while I still didn’t notice any affects so I went back to watching a funny show that I had been watching. While I was sitting there I slowly started to notice its effects on me.

I mainly felt lethargic and felt like I did not want to move at all. I also started to have trouble focusing on the show I was watching. All I could think about was how it was effecting me. The weird part was that even when I was able to pay attention to the show and a funny part happened, I couldn’t laugh. I knew that it was funny, but for some reason my emotions were just flat. It was kind of like I couldn’t even show any emotions at all. It seemed like my face muscles became super relaxed and almost numb. I didn’t even want to talk. My sister asked me a question and it seemed like an effort to answer her.  I also kept tasting the nasty pot taste in my mouth and the whole time I just wanted to go brush my teeth.

A little later I started to feel hypoglycemic so I got up to eat something. Compounded with being high, I started to feel really lightheaded and dizzy and realized I was gonna faint. I sat down really quick right in front of refrigerator with the door still open. I stayed like that for a little while trying to decide if I should ask my sister for help or not (I didn’t want her to think I was a wimp). I finally decide to. She got me some soda and some crackers and I just sat there for about a half hour stuffing my face until I felt like I had the energy to get up.  It was kind of weird because I felt super hypoglycemic even though I wasn’t. At that point the pot had mostly worn off and I started to feel normal again.

This experience was disappointing. I was expecting to feel good, but it just made me feel sleepy and drained. I was especially anticipating to have my mind opened or something, but it just made it difficult to focus and dulled my emotions. Also considering the uncomfortableness of inhaling it and the disgusting taste, I don’t see myself ever getting into recreational marijuana.  Also I don’t recommend getting low when you’re high.